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White Male From Southern USA Asks: Is Having Preferences Subtle Racism?

Posted by Christelyn, 27 Apr

Sexual preferences. We all have them. We all have something that makes us tick in the bedroom. Hair, boobs, butts.

"I don't find [insert race] women attractive"

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"I would never consider having sex with [insert race] man."

Well who is to say it isn't just preference? Who is to claim it isn't racist? The truth is: There are certain physical features that are dominant in particular races. And if you ask me, these features are the reason for preferring to have sex with people of a certain race. And such are the reasons that drive people who think interracial sex is an exotic fantasy. If you like them bootylicious, you know Black or Latino is the way to go (unless of course the woman is Amber Rose, white woman blessed with both booty and boobies). If you like blue-eyed blondes, then White is your preference.

Our question this week comes from a White man who doesn't find Black Women attractive. He can be friends with them but that's just it. Basically Black women don't feature in his sexual fantasies and sexual life. Should he feel guilty for sexually excluding black women? Is it preference or racist? Well read below:

The Question

"Thanks for the great videos...very educational :) I have a question.

As a white male from the Southern USA, I have...I would say "grown" out of certain ideas about interracial relationships. It wasn't because of any one book I read, or sensitivity training classes, but just a gradual process of seeing interracial couples who by their examples demonstrated that race does not have to be a barrier.

But My question is this...Do you consider "preference" as some form of subtle racism? Now please don't take this wrong, but whatever it is in the human male brain that triggers attraction...it simply doesn't "click" when I see black women MOST of the time. Just a rough estimate, I'd guess My non-reaction rate is around 95%. It isn't a negative reaction...it is just NO reaction. It is like My brain doesn't register black females as female in the sense that there is any possibility of sex happening.

I can laugh and joke and have fun with them as PEOPLE. I can work great with them as co-workers. I can appreciate them intellectually. But there is nothing sexual triggered.

Should I be concerned that this is some remnant of racism...or is it just biology? What do you think? Do we just accept our preferences as they are or is this a sign of something that needs some self-examination. As you can imagine, this is a difficult thing to talk about because people take offense and take it personal, but I'd really like to hear your views on this subject."

My Take

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

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6 responses to "White Male From Southern USA Asks: Is Having Preferences Subtle Racism?"

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  1.   Drumman09 says:
    Posted: 02 Nov 16

    Respectfully, I say that this preference issue is what I like to call "closet racism." In my thoughts, if a person is able to bond with another on every aspect of life, except for marriage and childbirth, then they have the cliche I just mentioned. If the mentioned individual needed a blood transfusion, or organ transplant, would he be willing to do it if the donated material was from a African-American? Would he even question the doctor about which culture provided the donated item? Bottomline, every race has beautiful/ugly people. Now if he said something like,"I'm not into people with big noses,"or "fat people,"then I could totally respect that and say it's "PREFERENCE." At that point, every race has people with big noses, so his comment wouldn't single out a specific culture. It would just single out people with "big noses." However, by using those familiar racist words," not attracted them,"he is totally singling out an entire race of women. I mean seriously; he's not attracted to "any" of them? There's millions of black women on this earth that posses multitudes of nose sizes, skin tones, behavior, etc. Again, with millions of shapes, colors, etc., he can't get excited or into any of them? It's closet racism. "Your good enough to eat with, talk with, hangout with, go to church with, meet my parents, BUT YOUR NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO JOIN MY FAMILY OR MARRY MY SON OR DAUGHTER." Again, it's racism. Singling out an "entire group" of people because of SKIN color is racist. In my opinion, if someone is good enough to eat a meal with me, or come to my home, then they should be good enough to marry my son or daughter. So again, for him to not be interested in physical features such as lip size, nose size, even skin tone, is pure preference and not racist. However, to utter the words, "not attracted to them," that is racially motivated. As if all of "them look the same and all posses the qualities he personally doesn't like. Your racist dude, just accept it and move on.

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  2.   MsCaliThick says:
    Posted: 12 May 16

    Amber Rose is note White, she is Mixed. Now CoCo, Ice T's wife is an example of a White woman with a curvier body. FYI.

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    • NYGriego says:
      Posted: 13 May 16

      Actually, Eastern European women, like from her Serbian background, do carry northeast African genetics. It might not be completely visible, but depending on the Serbian region, she might have some African genes in her. Same with the Southern Europeans. Look at Alexander the Great and Cleopatra. I'm sure their soldiers and ship workers did more than trade goods and fight. ;-) LOL...

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  3.   moontigress says:
    Posted: 02 May 16

    Something to think of: I was not exposed to many Asians growing up and therefore, thought, "Hmmm, don't find Asian men that attractive." Like you, I thought, "Sure, I can be friends, I can work with them, they are PEOPLE, after all..." And then I moved to Seattle which has a very large Asian population. And to my surprise, I began to discover that there are quite a few "hot" Asian guys out that I'd like to get to know beyond work or "just friends"! What I am saying: You will be surprised at how much you have been conditioned to like or love a certain way. I had an interracial relationship with a Southern white male who told me, "You know, before I met you, I had been told to only love this type of person or look at this type of person." "And now?" I asked. "The whole world is beautiful." he replied. If you're not interested, then, you're not interested. But take a moment and really examine WHY you feel that why. And be very honest with yourself. That's all. And if, after intense self-examination you still feel that you're just not attracted, then, hey, it's okay, that's just the way it is. It's a big beautiful world out there and the girl you're looking for is waiting for you to notice! Cheers!

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  4.   JayGirly says:
    Posted: 29 Apr 16

    My view on this subject is, one has to do a self-examination to understand what fuel their belief. Where one was raised, the belief of the family, the influence of friends, how one was treated, etc etc. Or, even past experiences. Understanding you will help in understanding the why. Personally, in a particular "race" of men, I find no attraction. I am not racist, I just know what doesn't pull my attraction in one direction or another. I grew up in a racially diverse environment as a military brat. I wasn't teased or made to feel less. I just know what attracts me to a person; however, I remain open to change.

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  5.   blackbelle01 says:
    Posted: 28 Apr 16

    I do not think that a WM that does not want to date/marry a WM is a racist. Everyone has their preferences. I know BW that would not consider dating/marrying a WM because they are just not their cup of tea. The heart wants what the hearts wants.

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