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Swirling with Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

Video: How to Tell When a 'Rainbeau' is Interested

Posted by Christelyn, 04 Feb

Sometimes it's not so easy for black women to recognize when a non-black man (affectionately called 'rainbeaus') is romantically interested. That's because many of us are used to a certain type of overture, often full of swagger and machismo because most black men are socialized to make their interest obvious. We call it, 'hollering.' And as the name implies, this type of flirtation is assertive.

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Hollering' is often not something we black ladies see outside of the black community yet it is what many of us have come to expect, so we don't always recognize the cues and overtures from a man of a different race and culture. That's why I teamed up with my buddy Jordan Harbinger to offer some clarity to the ladies new to interracial dating.

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

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47 responses to "Video: How to Tell When a 'Rainbeau' is Interested"

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  1.   prettyzuridy says:
    Posted: 23 Aug 15

    Thanks for this very interesting video, It has given me a lot to think about.

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  2.   Mosiah7 says:
    Posted: 16 Aug 15

    It would be helpful to have an article like this to help some of us black men tell when other races of women are interested. I don't fit the black male stereotype that the author mentions because I'm shy by nature and reluctant to aggressively approach women; especially white women. I live in Atlanta (the deep south). Most white women here are polite but it's very hard to tell which ones like black men and which ones don't. And you can get in very awkward situations down south when you try to approach one who isn't into black men. I don't mean to get all off topic but unfortunately for me most of these discussions on this site are more directed to helping black women meet white men rather than the other way around. But there are black men out there like me who're into IR too but don't have the experience to pick up on certain signs from women of other races. And contrary to what many people think, we don't all just "holla."

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  3.   Stara1983 says:
    Posted: 19 May 14

    I personally think all of these issues depend on not only how guys approach you but what kind of circles and friendships and lifestyle you also have. Personally, I have never dated a black man (mixed yes but never black). I've had 3 serious relationships white, turkish and portuguese (latino). My friendship circles are very, very diverse so I have the bonus of meeting different kinds of people and thus making my dating preferences easier. That's what worries me about the US how divided it still is...I'm in the UK and it's not like that here...even Europe is becoming more open to diverse couples. I think if some of you ladies here want to date outside of the black community then maybe try to step into a more diverse situation that enables you to meet different kinds of guys (if it's your preference of course) :)

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  4.   NikkiRox says:
    Posted: 10 Mar 14

    I don't understand why you all have your panties in a bunch over Christelyn's pointing out Black Men versus White Men's approaches. The word "holler" does not mean to scream at it means to approach it is simply a slang word. Black Men for the most part leave you no reason to wonder if they are interested for the most part. More often than not they let you know they are interested. However where I will agree is not all Black Men are confident and bold when it comes to approaching a woman, but I would say a large majority of them are. Whereas Jordan pointed out White Men are not as confident and bold with their approach to any woman. So that is what they were talking about in this video. I took no offense to Chris' comments on hollering and neither should anyone else. I have always been opened to dating anyone I find attractive but I have never been in a relationship with a White guy. Hopefully the one I find attractive will be bold and approach me.

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  5.   Marvelousgal says:
    Posted: 11 Feb 14

    I like this too. I feel black women should be open minded and dating outside of what we're used to , the brothers. I have seen brothers say on other dating sites " only bad non-black women need apply" &" mexican,asian and white are preferred". So I feel why do we feel we should stay dating brothers when they can say who they prefer to date and do it. So seeing that video has just let me know that I have unknowingly overlooked a "rainbeau" that has tried to talk to me, sometime ago, I just didn't know, lol .But yes I am open to dating outside my race, and before I joined here , I was already interested. I feel being on here now will give that boost to do so more, thx :) !!!

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  6.   Bedohave says:
    Posted: 03 Feb 14

    Finally. Thank you for writing this piece. I've been saying this for some time ...how difficult it is for me to tell if a white/other man is interested in me. All my life I've felt as though I'm invisible to white men. I have to be honest that I'm not attracted to white men physically but the main reason is that they don't seem to have any swag and I'm somewhat conservative. Thanks. Looking forward to reading more.

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  7.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 24 Jan 14

    I understand what the writer of the article means when she says "hollering". It's more a cultural thing I think more so than a race thing. Not all black men use the" holler at" technique but some do and I won't give the author a hard time about this article. I want to focus more on getting non-white men to approach black women more openly but respectfully. Oh btw, I think Texas is the worst place for interracial relationships between BW and WM. I had many suitors in Alabama where I was born and raised. I was completely surprised by this fact.

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    • sexyp1 says:
      Posted: 07 Mar 14

      I live in Texas, and you are 100% correct it is painfully difficult to date a WM here. They stare lots and lots of them stare but don't follow through. I try to be as approachable pleasant and friendly as I possibly can be, but nothing. WM seem so shy and intimidated. I've broken the ice and approached them at times but again the shyness' was there and things were just awkward. I'm very attracted to WM I've always dated men of all races, but it seems WM keep my interest

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  8.   mercedesm says:
    Posted: 04 Dec 13

    I love interracial relationships and the sharing of cultures, but my biggest fear with white men specifically is that they just want to know "what's like to be with a black girl." For one, I'm in college and a good chunk of white men are in fraternities that just amplify stereotypes. Two, they are timid and don't make a move at all unless there is something they particularly want. It's almost as if they're afraid of social stigma or afraid of rejection. And regardless of which it is, fear is unattractive.

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    • erykah27 says:
      Posted: 11 Dec 13

      I totally agree with them being timid and afraid. Just wait on a confident white man that's not afraid of rejection and bless him..

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  9.   neverdiss says:
    Posted: 23 Sep 13

    I have dated both black and white men, but have never gone with a man of any race who "hollers." I have seen men do this, of both races, but none of my boyfriends ever did. "Hollering" as described in this article, seems to me to more often be a characteristic of men of lower socioeconomic class than of a certain race. Even given that, not all men who lack substantial financial means "holler." In fact, from my limited observation, most do no. This article is an insult to black men because it implies that they are all the same, when, in fact, like all people, black men as a group are men who are individually unique with backgrounds, experiences, and dating styles that reflect that diversity.

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    • jayydee16 says:
      Posted: 02 Jan 14

      You took the words from my mouth.. how stereotypical, rude, and disrespectful.. I date white men because its what I'm naturally attracted to, as do a lot of other people..what a ridiculous article!

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      • COFFEE222 says:
        Posted: 19 Jan 14

        I concur 1000% with neverdiss and jayydee16! I think it is absolutely absurd for the author to infer that black women are used to men who "holler". Quite frankly I think that is a very narrow minded approach.

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    • summer-luv93 says:
      Posted: 06 Aug 15

      I think background is important to consider. Where I come from the "holler" approach is the MAIN approach that I see coming from black men. I've dated black, white and even Nigerian--none of whom approached me that way but I see it ALL THE TIME. I've lived in three different states--Midwest and Southern--and the "holler" approach is mainly what I've seen. Again, maybe because I come from a working class background that's what I'm exposed to but even on my college campus the "hood mentality" was there. Everyone's experience is different. Unfortunately the situation that's talked about here is reality for many.

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  10.   PatriciaC says:
    Posted: 10 Sep 13

    I dont think there are any white men in Jacksonville that love black women .. I was married to a white african and my daughter was by a white man but i have been out of the dating game soooo long almost 6 years ..I may have forgotten what to look for ... i may need a refreshers course !

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    • GeekGirl73 says:
      Posted: 23 Sep 13

      Seems to be a Florida thing honestly. Most of the men I meet that do want to date black women are either out west or further up the east coast, or overseas(Germany,Netherlands,England,even Finland)... Good Luck...

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      • 3rdtimecharm says:
        Posted: 23 Jan 14

        There are some white guys that date black women in florida, but florida isn't the best place for interracial romance....

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    • Willswh says:
      Posted: 26 May 18

      Wow pretty

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  11.   PatriciaC says:
    Posted: 10 Sep 13

    Can you lades send some to tghe jacksonville , fla airport please! seems like the airports are the places to be lol!

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  12.   missnina18 says:
    Posted: 11 Aug 13

    Never had a relationship with a white man. I was always afraid of the rejection or never sure on my approach. Being a curvy woman, I tend to already have my own self doubt working against me, so I need away to make myself comfortable and more confident in my approach. I was always told that the man will find you. Well that is complete crap, here I am at 39 still searching for my prince charming. Any advise would be nice.

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    • 2Ambitious says:
      Posted: 30 Aug 13

      MissNina18, if you are on this website, it means something. Possibly, you have not yet encountered the fulfilling satisfaction of meeting your desirable Prince Charming--but you are open to the possibility. Let's be optimistic, "likelihood" is an even better choice. There's promise there, hope, potential even. Try not to allow your "self doubt" to cramp your potential options. You must first love yourself before someone else can love you. Confidence is the key! Confidence is like a wonderful smelling fragrance. If you apply it and love it, this will radiate to others and someone else may love it also. Give them that opportunity. The man will 'find' you. However, no one wants to 'rescue' someone wallowing in self-doubt and pity. Put a SMILE on your face and see what happens, Miss. (Rock it like it's some top-shelf fragrance.) Few, if any, Prince Charmings out there want to rescue an unhappy damsel-in-distress. No, they would rather wisk away a beautiful, radiant Princess with a smile on her face. When you find your happy place it will all turn around, no matter your age. ;-) Some of the best advice I have ever received was this: "Get yourself in the best physical shape you possibly can, then watch the caliber of men in your life change." That's right, because 'lazy' men may peer at you, but they will not even attempt to approach. They think, if she puts that much work into herself, then she is going to require the same from me. "Curvy" or not, when you have convinced YOURSELF you are worthy of the love you desire, you will find the love you deserve...better yet, the love will find you.

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  13.   missninaluv says:
    Posted: 27 Jul 13

    I am curvy and I always believed most white men love skinny women or if they go black they will look for the tall dark skin slim woman. I studied at UCLA and in my classroom there were that german , gosh blue eyes blond so cute. I was the only black girl in most classes and he was always staring at me. I said ok maybe he is just intrigued by my skin color . But later I had to face the truth there were sth more. We started exchanging a lil bit regarding homework. Very platonic! I did the first move I took his email from our online school platform and send him an email asking him to help me with my assignments cause for some reasons I was always late for that class. At that time I was in a relationship and one day I was talking on a fone to my boyfriend and listen , got the picture and started taking his distance. I could have felt his disappointment. But heck he actually never demonstrated his attraction for me , more than all those weird looks. He went back to Germany that was it! I have never been attracted to white until he came into my life. Even worst I am from Africa and have never dated out of Africa. Yep no black americans so far even tough they easily approach on a daily basis. Sometimes when I walk on the street I can see some white guys staring at me , my ass and so on but they will not come talk to me. Some are cute as hell some are creepy and you can clearly see they just wanna hit a black girl. The funny thing is that on dating site they do it more easily. Are they ashamed of us? Personnaly I hardly see myself doing all the job and go after the guy. I can send signals like I did with the German guy but will never hopefully have to chase a white man that I know is attracted to me . Gosh step up your game guys! At the end of the day, it is what it is perhaps someday it will change and in the mean time lets enjoy life to the fullest. xoxo

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    • MeLanii says:
      Posted: 31 Aug 13

      Hi Missninaluv, I am a black German living in London now. It was way easier to date white guys in Germany than in London. I don't know why. In my experience lots of Germans love to date black women.

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      • warisse says:
        Posted: 20 Sep 13

        I agree with you MeLanii...among Euro men..Germans are very confident,,,statistically,many have black girls compared to other Euro nations...

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      • blackbelle01 says:
        Posted: 04 Feb 16

        I have to agree. When I went to Germany I was hit on all the time.

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    • 3rdtimecharm says:
      Posted: 23 Jan 14

      I lived in germany, german men in germany love black women... they approach you everywhere.

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      • blackbelle01 says:
        Posted: 06 Sep 15

        I agree. Men from Germany do seem to be more attracted to BW and more approachable. I don't know why but I had a lot of WM from Germany that wanted to have a serious relationship with me.

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    • Willswh says:
      Posted: 26 May 18

      Beautiful pick so lovely, I which to know you better

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  14.   wink_wink says:
    Posted: 19 Jun 13

    On June 7th I was at the airport in Austin, Tx and one of the most handsome man I have ever seen walked by me with his Fedora hat and blue eyes big as saucers, he had a bald head and was very athletic looking. I remember saying to myself "whoa, whoever he belongs to is one blessed woman" About 5 minutes later I turned my head and saw him a little ways down looking at me. I thought he had boarded a plane somewhere. He was staring and I was staring right back and before I knew it he wasted mp time coming to where I was sittng and sat down about 3 chairs from me. We looked at each other and turned away quickly, I could see he was staring at me. He sat there for about 10 minutes until they called for him to board his plane to Atlanta. When he got up to leave he looked at me and had this disappointed look on his face like " I did my part coming over here and you didnt say anything" I am still kicking myself to this day, and actually cried that night. It was obvious there was a connection between us and I blew it, it was more than just his looks. I froze up and am sick about it. He was not only plum gorgeous but had a laid back personality that I like. Why didnt I say anything or should I have waited for him to say something. I want to find him again but know its like finding a needle in a haystack. I just had to get it out! hurting in Minnesota!

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    • sylviakhalan says:
      Posted: 29 Jun 13

      been there done that. He really should have said hi. If you are interested....here is my similar story. I was new to Boston, saw this gorgeous, tall, masculine model looking guy (6'5" easily) and I jumped off my train "orange line" to the "red line" to follow this guy. When he finally got off, I got off also. Caught up to him (before he left the station) and I taped him on side (I'm only 5'2"...lol) and said, "I'm embarrassed but I had to follow you because you are so handsome and I'd like to know if you are single?" .....He was single and he said "thank you", gave me a kiss on the cheek and said he was in a hurry. And that was the last I saw of him...no phone exchange, nothing. Ugh...I can still see how beautiful and nice he was toward me.

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    • wink_wink says:
      Posted: 29 Jun 13

      thanks for sharing your story with me, I really appreciate it. I guess he figured he made his way over there, that should've been a clue. I was the slow one. You can bet it wont happen again though, I'll be like you next time, lol!. That was nice of the man to respond to you the way he did also, very respectful..

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  15.   serenity19 says:
    Posted: 27 May 13

    Thanks learned a lot

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  16.   waiting21 says:
    Posted: 19 May 13

    just wanted to say i can tell when a white guy is interested because he: 1) makes sure his hair looks good 2) looks at my ass after i get up and walk away 3) stares at me for a long time 4) tries to listen in on what me and my girlfriend are talking about 5) body language and this is how i know when a white guy is into me...

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  17.   bellaamia says:
    Posted: 02 May 13

    Ok so recently I had a black man "Hollar" at me Atleast I wasn't aware until I read this I was actually taken aback and really made uncomfortable to his very quick sexual overtures .. I was married to a mixed guy for thirty years so Although I was in an interracial relationship before it was ever popular I never dealt with this hollering hmmmm

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  18.   SandNSable says:
    Posted: 30 Apr 13

    I agree with everything that's said; however, let's choose to see the good in the author's message. His intent was not to generalize or hurt, but to say how people similiar to him show interest in black women. There's nothing wrong with that? Yes, he may have made incorrect generalizations, on how he sees the black males showing interest, but that's his opinion, and since when is anybody's opinion fact? Why criticize how he show's interest? Here's a man that's saying "hey don't overlook me, here's how I show I'm interested in you...black women.... and all I see is negative comments...where's the good?? Not to ignore the other very relavant points, all I'm saying is let's also find the good in the message too....People get so hung up on the details...they miss the intent..it's like not seeing the forest because of the trees...

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  19.   Atruladi13 says:
    Posted: 24 Apr 13

    Damn! So the white guy at the Redbox was interested! I was just in a hurry and realized it after I drove away!

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  20.   ment2 says:
    Posted: 16 Feb 13

    Wow! What a stereotype to put on black people! I'm an American BW and I'm offended by statement. How can u fit an entire race into one style of approach. Don't think I ever went out with any one who wanted to "holler" at me.

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  21.   laromana says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 13

    Not all women who are classified as "Black women" are African American (eg Afrolatina BW, African BW, Afrocaribbean BW) or share the same cultural expectations of men (ie, Black men "hollering" to show interest, not knowing if/when a Non-Black man is interested). You need to be sensitive to cultural differences among different groups of Black women (we're unique individuals) and not make generalizations about how we relate to men in relationship settings.

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    • HoneyBeeauty says:
      Posted: 18 Apr 13

      As a Caribbean American woman, I fully concur with this comment. The "advice" in this article is based on an ignorant stereotype. The term "holler" has been around a long time, though it is now popular in modern, urban vernacular. Confidence will catch my attention, regardless of race. All women are different and respond to different approaches. A man that addresses a woman respectfully is sure to go farther than one who attempts to mock an assumed pattern of behavior. Men, be direct. THEN a woman will have no doubt in her mind that you are interested.

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  22.   Bigdog01 says:
    Posted: 10 Feb 13

    I've always wanted to be with a black woman I think they are so sexy

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