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Swirling with Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

This Curvy Girl Got Lots of Dates on Interracial Dating Central

Posted by Christelyn, 19 Feb

I just LOVE getting letters like this! The kind that are such inspiration to many. Well, ‘QueenEkuba', is her handle. She shares her story about her journey on Interracial Dating Central. Have a read.

"I’ve been a silent reader of your blog for a long time but sometimes comment with the user name ‘QueenEkuba’. I love your blog and although I don’t necessarily always agree with every post that is put up there, I admire your ability to listen to diverse opinions and also I have learnt a lot from you. I just wanted to encourage you to keep up your job of bringing people together regardless of the color of their skin.

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I have met and I’m now dating an amazing Caucasian/ White man & just as I thank God for making this happen, I also want to thank all the persons who inspired or encouraged me or whose advice was a blessing for me on this journey. I am someone who is naturally ‘voluptuous’ and has a very curvy physique.I have never been skinny but had a flat stomach. In the past couple of years, I went through some health issues (a leg problem that made it impossible to exercise) and emotional issues (recovering from both childhood sexual abuse & sexual assault & also finally accepting my sexuality as a bi woman who grew up in a homophobic society.) that led to me gaining about twenty pounds. I think that as black women, a lot of the time, our weight gain issues stem from a variety of psychological issues since we have to deal with ‘two strikes against us’ ie: living both as a woman and as a black person- with no one to stand up for us but ourselves.

Although I was interested in dating interracially & had indeed done so in the past before I put on weight, I got a lot of discouragement from friends & even articles I used to read about interracial dating as everyone insisted that to date interracially as a black woman, you need to be reed thin. Well, a few months ago, I decided not to wait to be at the size & physique I want before I look for love. I said to myself: I’m pretty sure there are plus size non-black women with amazing non-black partners. I mean I’ve seen them at the mall and when I’m out and about. The average size in the US is 14 which is plus size & yet I doubt every size 14 woman doesn’t have a partner lol. So I then said: if a non-black man will date a non-slender non-black woman, why would he not date a beautiful, confident, plus size black woman?

I had stopped dressing up after the sexual assault happened & started binge eating to cope (part of the trauma symptoms I later discovered) but I started taking good care of myself again, doing my hair, nails, makeup, buying clothes. I also started appreciating my body for the parts I liked. I still am not comfortable with my waist (it used to be flat and it’s not now) & i’m working on it (so many sit ups everyday lol), but regardless, I really love how I have a beautiful, womanly figure with hips, boobs etc.I have learnt to appreciate the parts of my body which are amazing. And guess what? I also started working out also and eating healthier. As I started taking care of myself, I began to meet men (both black and non-black) who would flirt a little etc lol.

To facilitate the process of looking for a partner, I joined InterracialDatingCentral.com (which you recommended on your blog). I found that the men there were much more polite and respectful and willing to settle with a black woman than on OK cupid or other sites I tried. Moreover your tips about how to present ourselves on the site (pictures to post, how to communicate etc) certainly helped me so thanks again! ;)There, I posted beautiful pictures of myself- full length photos showing my entire body and voila, within a few weeks, I had met several wonderful men, very respectful and kind whom I chatted with. Eventually, I met one who was beyond amazing and have been dating him for a while now. He is such a sweetheart and is so kind to me.

Moreover, despite the fact that I”m now working on my PhD (in Canada) & I’m a trained lawyer & so have some level of exposure than say, my Ghanaian sisters who’ve lived in the country their whole lives, it was reading your blog & seeing different types of black women (with all types of hair, skin tone, sizes) that encouraged me and gave me the confidence to try interracial dating. In Ghana and certain parts of Africa, people think that you have to be very skinny, light skinned, with some long weave etc in order to date a white man (because the expats who come there tend to seek girls like this). All this to say bravo & that there are many people like me who may be silent but who are really being blessed through your work so please don’t ever stop!

I wanted to send this long email to encourage you to keep on with the good work and also encourage other black women who want to date interracially not to be discouraged or intimidated because of their size, hair, skin tone etc. It’s important to take care of yourself, yes, but you’re gorgeous as you are- celebrate that and look for someone who will because he exists!"

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Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

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14 responses to "This Curvy Girl Got Lots of Dates on Interracial Dating Central"

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  1.   WM4Ebony says:
    Posted: 01 Jul 22

    Curvy women have always been my kryptonite!...LOL. I think that along with the dark-skin and the sexy saunter?....just the absolute sex appeal is what makes me weak for black women!

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  2.   ladybarb says:
    Posted: 13 Oct 18

    I get a lot of responses on this site too but 99 percent of the men are seeking sex, not a real relationship. We need to remember that most of the men on here are married or have a fetish. If they have photos of themselves with their shirt off, or in swim trunks showing their physique, if they address you as "babe, sweetheart, sweetie" and make references to them liking to "kiss, cuddle, touch, feel, like sex..." these are men seeking sex and it's quite dangerous especially with STD's being so prevalent. Just be careful ladies and be realistic about what a man... any man wants. I experienced the same thing on Black dating sites as well.

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  3.   reallycute says:
    Posted: 20 Aug 17

    Very nice story because I'm very curvy too, and being a Big Beautiful Black Woman over 50 I think scares white men away. They stare and stare but will not approach. Maybe it the state I'm living in but this story inspires me to keep encouraged and hope to meet that special man. Thanks.

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  4.   Lembeli says:
    Posted: 26 Aug 16

    Wow what an encouraging story, i'm now gaining more than confidence through your story i'm curvy with boobs and I think i'm always beautiful girls like us should wear confidence weapons

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  5.   46openheart says:
    Posted: 23 May 16

    Your story blessed me because I'm curvy too.It also encouraged me to press on. I had a good black guy friend tell me a few weeks ago to ". Think outside the box". Or in essence my race. I was totally shocked at what he said. He told me your so beautiful and kind.and your special and God is going to blow your mind with the husband he has for you. Lol! I was so excited I got on an interracial site and so far it's been nice meeting non black men. Thank you so much for sharing his story. Be Blessed

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  6.   Sunshine7395 says:
    Posted: 13 May 16

    Love your article! I am 43 and can't get a date to save my life...lol...ready to give up but I wanted to say that your story put a smile on my face!

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  7.   bob2363 says:
    Posted: 22 Mar 16

    I completely agree with the several comments she made. Break away from the chains enslaving our minds. Each person is unique, deserves respect and space to live, do not strive to be image of those overpaid film,sport etc stars , be your self whether fat, thin, curvy, black,brown or white, good brain or not, have children or not, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Protestant, or..like me..not religious. Life is reproduction and massive diversity....of course we must work together but in peace and harmony...not under the lash.

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  8.   Beautifull10 says:
    Posted: 24 Feb 16

    First, thanks for your bravery. I know it was not easy going through this painful time in your life and speaking out to many others just like you, but afraid or ashamed to speak out and share their stories, so the they too can begin to heal. I identify with you on being a Big Beautiful Woman (BBW) or Plus-Size. But your story has contributed to my healing and my remaining hopeful, that my guy, my Mr. Amazing is out there waiting for me regardless my size. Thanks again!!! Keep smiling, ladies!!!! :)

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  9.   Shunii says:
    Posted: 23 Feb 16

    Kudos to you, QueenEkuba! That was such an inspiring email to read. It has be very frustrating at times but it's stories like these that keep me going! Thanks for sharing, Christelyn!

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  10.   Meagan11 says:
    Posted: 22 Feb 16

    Thank you for this email. I am also a very curvy woman going through similar issues. Sometimes I think men are looking for a skinny or " medium built" woman but that's not all women. My mantra is " be true to you" and I am working had on it. Love just might be around the corner, hopefully. ;)

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  11.   38thaw says:
    Posted: 19 Feb 16

    Happy for you! Just a question to Chris......I've perused the sight and love it! Question will there or has there been a "mixer" a celebration, a gala, an event? Where we could ALL possibly meet? Am I asking for the impossible?

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    • MyPretty says:
      Posted: 12 May 16

      I am with you "38thaw" I would love for the site to have a mixer ... I think that would be awesome !

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