Interracial Sex : Are you sleeping with the oppressor?

Not everyone is comfortable having open conversations about their sex life, but people have to understand that there is nothing to feel uncomfortable about; we all do it! Talking about our sex lives and personal stories can help us feel more validated, interested, and inspired by our own experiences. We're here to tell you about real interracial dating stories and experiences, so we can all become more comfortable with this taboo subject!

We all know how difficult it can be when in a relationship. You've got society staring you down, family asking personal questions such as "when are you getting married," and the pressure that people put on themselves to try and balance everything. All this pressure can make you and your partner feel like you are on a rollercoaster of a relationship. But, I'm guessing that you're not waiting for anyone to tell you that the burden and pressure that interracial couples experience most of the time is even more!

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Recent studies from the Pew Research Center show that 1 in 6 newlyweds are married to someone of a different race or ethnicity in the US, which is five times more than in 1967! Also, in 1967 the well-known Supreme Court case of Loving v. Virginia ruled that interracial marriage was now legal throughout the US! (Did you know that it was illegal years ago?!) Also, 1 in 10 married people in 2015 (not just those who recently tied the knot) had a spouse of a different race!

Can you guess which state has the highest percentage of interracial marriages? Honolulu, Hawaii!

So, to get back to the point, SEX! Let's see some interracial dating stories from three different couples!

"Interracial relationships are common"

-Melissa, 22, has been with her boyfriend for a year and a half

Melissa, 22, has been in many romantic relationships. In fact, she has only been in interracial relationships. She has never really thought of them as different since her dad is an Asian man and her mother is a white woman.

When she was younger, Melissa would remember going on vacation with her parents in certain states and that people would express their dislike towards her parents' marriage or even herself for being a mixed child. But her parents found that it was better to teach her that nothing is wrong with her or their marriage and that there will always be racist people who will be uncomfortable with the idea of an interracial couple.

Melissa has always loved to share her cultural background and traditions with her partners. While she has had her struggles with being in interracial relationships, she expresses that it's pleasurable to have the opportunity to show and teach her partners all the different traditions of her Chinese culture.

Melissa admits that being in an interracial relationship has affected her and how she interacts with her partner. She has to explain specific racist behavior to her partner because he doesn't understand it most of the time and has never been a victim of it himself. She expresses that he is somewhat clueless when people are uncomfortable with their relationship. In contrast, she is more inclined to recognize racist behavior since she was already exposed to it from a young age. Melissa wishes that people be more aware that interracial relationships are common and shouldn't be treated as something unique or a fetish!

"Our sex life has seen a bit of an uptick"

-Steve, 32, has been with his girlfriend for nine months.

Steve's mother is from Mexico, making her Mexican-American, and his father is from California and of European descent. Like Melissa, he doesn't look at interracial relationships as anything different since his parents are an interracial married couple. His parents are progressive and have no problem with their son dating outside of his race and cultural background.

His girlfriend is from northern India, but Steve describes that she has a lot of Hispanic physical characteristics. He jokes that he sometimes forgets that he is in an interracial relationship because they look so alike. Even some of his Hispanic family members from his mother's side talk to her in Spanish, forgetting that she is from India. However, he expresses that his girlfriend's family is also open-minded and that they are okay with her dating someone that doesn't have the same cultural background.

However, at the beginning of their relationship, her parents were cautious of him; Steve believes that this is because of the way that Hollywood portrays Westerners as unfaithful and immoral.

Steve says that his interracial relationship has benefited from all the awareness brought into the light during the Trump administration, but as any person of color can tell you, racism in the US still exists, and it's nothing new.

He shares that xenophobia was at its peak during the Trump administration, and it will always be an issue for foreigners in the US. Steve and his girlfriend are more worried about her visa and going back home than anything else. The COVID-19 pandemic also affects people's visas, causing stress on the couple. Luckily for him, though, his girlfriend likes to have sex when she's stressed, so if anything, their sex life has improved!

"Our love and strength are unmatchable"

Alexis, 30, has been with her soon-to-be husband for six years.

Alexis has never had any experience with dating outside of her race. So her knowledge of them was pretty much nonexistent. She grew up in a close-knitted community with little to no exposure to people of color and different cultural backgrounds. But she started dating an African American man, and she expresses that she is happy that people have begun discussing and having conversations about interracial relationships. She knew that this was the man that she would eventually marry.

"The flavor, the swag, and the sex are great too," Alexis describes.

She is currently engaged to an African American man. She emotionally speaks up about how difficult it can be for him to deal with particular looks and comments about their relationship. She feels that she will never fully understand the emotional stress her soon-to-be husband is under and that she will never be able to feel what he feels. When there are moments in their relationship where she can sense that her fiance is overstressed, she tries to communicate, ask questions, and listen to try and fully understand what he is feeling.

Alexis believes that it all starts at home for things to change. But, first, we need to educate our children, families, and friends that interracial relationships are not different from same race relationships.

She states that couples need to stay strong and that, thankfully, all of the negativity has not affected the overall health of their relationship. If anything, her fiance is grateful for her continuous support and affection. Their intimacy has never been better and is getting stronger by day!

"This shit isn't easy. But our love and strength are unmatchable. Also, stop staring! Try smiling" Alexis, 30.

The Beauty of Interracial Relationships

Here are just some of the things that we believe are beautiful about being an interracial couple:

1. You are always learning things. You always experience life from a different perspective that, in other circumstances, you wouldn't!
2. "Anytime you have sex with someone of a different race, think about that for a moment. Because nothing feels better than orgasming while thinking about all the progress we've made in civil rights in this country", Aziz Ansari.
3. The beautiful babies! Your future children would be beautiful, getting the best of both races (if you want children, that is!).
4. Imagine how diverse you look when you hang out with other interracial couples!
5. You're making the world more beautiful! You are teaching the world about the beauty of an interracial couple!
6. We're beginning to see many interracial relationships represented on the big screen!

It's not easy, but it's worth it

Even though interracial relationships and marriages are on the rise, behavior toward them is still stuck in the past!

According to a recent study conducted by The Conversation, nine percent of people in the US think that interracial marriage is not acceptable. In this study, 1,200 white people, 250 black people, and over 250 mixed-race people were asked how they feel about interracial relationships. Overall, white and black people showed significant biased behavior toward interracial couples, whereas mixed-race participants showed no discriminatory behavior.

Nevertheless, the number and percentages of interracial couples will still rise and grow in the US. Even though being in an interracial relationship has its difficulties and challenges, there is still beauty and happiness in them! You might be of different races and have a different skin tone or religion; what matters is that you speak the same language of love.

Over the hurdles of the difficulties of mixed-race relationships, there is a rainbow at the end of the road!

Having the choice and chance to be with someone different from you is beautiful. Being able to experience their different cultural backgrounds is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for some people. Interracial couples experience different cultural backgrounds just by being in a relationship with someone different from them.

Communication is one of the most, if not the most, important parts of a relationship. Being able to talk about your sex life, wants, and needs will be able to free you and enjoy your connections to the fullest.

Having these conversations openly with your partner may surprise you, but it will benefit your mental and physical health! So have sex, explore, communicate and be free!

Whether you are in a relationship with someone of the same race or different, the best thing to remember is to be with someone who respects you and loves you! <3

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