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Sexual Abuse and behavior problems don't just happen to someone else!

Posted by Leticia, 15 Aug

Have you noticed behavior from a loved one or friend that confuses you? Perhaps their actions are inappropriate and you're not sure what to do or if you are just over reacting. Sometimes people's actions are a cry for help. Are you really listening or are you subscribing to the "somebody else's problem" way of thinking?

We often joke about people coming out of relationships with some extra "baggage". In some cases, that baggage that we're talking about is childhood wounds and secrets that were barely mentioned; let alone treated. I'm referring to sexual abuse. It's the thing that a lot of families don't talk about, or maybe don't even know about because the victims are sworn or threatened into secrecy.

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Let's first dispel the myths. Sexual abuse doesn't just happen to children, women or one race or religion. However, when it happens during your childhood and is not detected or addressed, then it could led to a lifetime of "baggage" and emotional trauma. It affects us all because we are all connected. That abused little girl grows up to believe that she has to use her body to get what she wants in this world. So, she does, with your brother, son, father, husband.

That little abused boy grows up not trusting, because the people he thought should have saved him didn't and now he's not only confused about his own sexuality he has to prove to himself that he is a man by being with as many women as he can.

I'm always stunned when I hear people put down getting professional help. Usually it's people that have never spoken with a psychologist or therapist of any sort that have the strongest opinions about why they don't work. The truth is that we need to talk to someone. There are more and more people walking around this earth that have had some form of physical, mental or emotional abuse than not. Chances are if you were not a victim as a child or young adult, someone you know was.

This affects the way they communicate with others. It affects their ability to trust and be trusted. The saddest part is that there are some of us that don't realize that there was abuse in our past and that it is not Normal and it certainly was NOT your fault!

Have you ever seen an adult play with a child or talk about a child in a way that made you feel uncomfortable? Don't ignore the behavior or your gut. Ask questions. We often hear the horror stories after the fact. Then people close to the situation say there were signs, they just didn't want to believe it.

Here's just a few:

  • Talks again and again about the sexual activities of children or teens

  • Talks about sexual fantasies with children

  • Was abused as a child and won't deal with it

  • Encourages silence and secrets in children

  • Collects or enjoys looking at child pornography

  • Asks adult partners to dress or act like a child or teen during sexual activity

  • Spends most spare time on activities involving children or teens, not adults

If you know someone or suspect that perhaps you may have a problem talk with someone right away. Get help. There are a ton of agencies listed on the internet that you can contact to get the information and assistance that you need to address your individual situation.

No one can turn back the hands of time and undo any wrong that has been done to you or someone you love. What we can do is stop this from happening to anyone else that we love.

I'll help you get started now...here's a toll free number for help 1 888 PREVENT.

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Responses to "Sexual Abuse and behavior problems don't just happen to someone else!"

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  1.   tigerlilies says:
    Posted: 13 Jan 08

    I think that people need to be aware that sexual abuse is hard to live with and that it doesn't just end when the abuse is over. It shouldn't be something we have to hide out of shame.

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  2.   lonelyman56 says:
    Posted: 28 Dec 06

    I am not professional about this but I found that a lot of times the trouble with sex is both people do not talk about things. I also found from the past that some times people listen to the wrong people about some their life and when they do they are guided down the wrong path.

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  3.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 21 Dec 06

    My ex was sexually abused by her female cousin as a child. A very sad story because there is no happy ending. She refused to deal with her past.

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  4.   romeoluvs says:
    Posted: 15 Dec 06

    Sexual abuse haunts the person for the whole life.

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  5.   gms77 says:
    Posted: 05 Dec 06

    This happens more often to more people than we think

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  6.   JADE74 says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 06

    Thank you for this awsome and very informative article.

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  7.   Majesticone says:
    Posted: 14 Nov 06

    Kara.......im glad to see there are some open minded ppl because a lot of individuals dont realize that the person next to them may be a victim of abuse... this subject is dear and near to me so your comment, although subtle, pulled a tear and jerked my heart... thats all i can say right now. thks for the article

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  8.   Coco says:
    Posted: 11 Nov 06

    We have to teach our kids at an early age on what is appropriate and what is not. This way they know that its okay to tell someone if they think someone touched them in a bad way. They have to know that they can trust you so its okay to tell you whats going on.

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  9.   gms77 says:
    Posted: 10 Nov 06

    Great article very informative

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  10.   JADE74 says:
    Posted: 07 Nov 06

    Thank you for the great article.

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  11.   aantonio says:
    Posted: 04 Nov 06

    its just really messe dup on how people can hurt other people like that. Its sad that such evil is out there. but we must protect ourselves and innocent children out there. i dont have any kids, but when i do, i will make sure they are protected, as much as i can

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  12.   Natural72 says:
    Posted: 01 Nov 06

    It is sad but true that so many people go through life carrying the guilt of being abused as a child. I have a friend that was sexually abused and now she is a STD/HIV prevention counselor. Her way of healing is to reach out to others that are hurting so that she can help them break that cycle.

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  13.   Pleasjure13 says:
    Posted: 29 Oct 06

    Child sexual abuse is a monster lurking on the edges of hells pit seeking whoim it can devour.

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  14.   charlee1 says:
    Posted: 29 Oct 06

    being a mum myself makes me more aware of the importance of being vigilant when it comes to this issue. the main reason that kids don't speak up about abuse whether it be sexual or physical, is fear. fear of what the perpetrator will do, fear of not being believed, fear of the consequences etc. no child should have to suffer at the hands of these very sick individuals. whatever punishment the perpetrator receives could never be enough for ruining an innocent childs life. we must encourage our kids to speak up about any kind of abuse, no matter what. and we must also learn to recognise the signs. kids are precious, it's a shame that some people don't recognise this fact. great article.

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  15.   Coco says:
    Posted: 15 Oct 06

    A child at my daughter's sleepover recently condifed in me that her stepfather keeps climbing into bed with her totally nude! He told her he was "sleepwalking". Because she had told other children too, I called the school guidance counselor. I found out that she was removed from the home this week and is living with her grandfather. This was disgusting for me because the grandmother believed he was sleepwalking. I know I did the right thing, and my daughter told me that it is being investigated. The child is happy to be with her Grandpa where she is safe. I hope others who know about such things will come forward and report it. It is in the best interest of the child!

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  16.   JADE74 says:
    Posted: 05 Oct 06

    Wow!What a eye opening article..Thanks so much for the info.

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  17.   embraceme says:
    Posted: 04 Oct 06

    THIS IS SO SAD HOW PEOPLE COULD HURT ANOTHER... THANK YOU FOR THE ARTICLE.. PEOPLE NEED TO BE AWARE OF THIS ESPECIALLY WOMEN INTO TODAYS WORLD..

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  18.   urprincess41 says:
    Posted: 25 Sep 06

    If you keep it locked inside you, you will never heal, but if you let it go, the healing process will begin, I know for a fact, because I've been there friend.

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  19.   justknowingu says:
    Posted: 25 Sep 06

    ...its even good to read this article a second time!---I definately agree with what Kara--a member here--said in the caption above mine..!!---

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  20.   Kara says:
    Posted: 24 Sep 06

    Whether it's a history of sexual abuse or some other type of trauma, everyone has their life struggles to come to terms with. Two truths I try to live by: 1) Everyone is always doing the best they can with the resources they have at that time, and 2) You never really know what's going on with someone, so try to have some compassion and cut everyone some slack!

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  21.   urprincess41 says:
    Posted: 23 Sep 06

    this site indeed help you to heal from the inside out.

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  22.   justknowingu says:
    Posted: 21 Sep 06

    Good informative article...a good insight...

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  23.   dodes says:
    Posted: 21 Sep 06

    don't ever stop talking about this. or put it aside. i did. for too long. i pushed it down, down deep just so i could carry on. i knew in my heart that i was keeping someone else's secret. i was quiet because it would be too uncomfortable for them. it would make their life too difficult. that's what it does to you. makes you think about them first, they are the important ones. that's what they want you to think. it's a head thing more than a sex thing. i am 53 yrs old and tackling this thing full-on for the first time in my life. it is the hardest thing i ever did. but the most necessary. and no matter who understands or doesn't, or who supports me or not, i'm doing it. i am doing it it took me a long time to get to this place. but i'm here now. my heart is with all of you who are affected by this. stand tall and don't lose your swagger

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  24.   Kalilah says:
    Posted: 21 Sep 06

    Wonderful information...all mothers and fathers should be aware of who they bring around their children as well.

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  25.   URPRINCESS41 says:
    Posted: 20 Sep 06

    TY, THIS IS VERY GOOD INFORMATION

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  26.   Marquez097 says:
    Posted: 20 Sep 06

    I hope people are taking this article to heart. Its a serious issue.

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  27.   babymeat says:
    Posted: 20 Sep 06

    im going to print this and show all my friends, thanks!

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  28.   unme23 says:
    Posted: 20 Sep 06

    my cousin has been a victim when u was youger, 20 years later, she still can not forget it.

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  29.   ebonybeautyj says:
    Posted: 19 Sep 06

    This is a great article. THANKS!

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  30.   Daphne says:
    Posted: 19 Sep 06

    I was raped by a Man with a very large penis at the age of 21. 21 years ago. To this day I am afraid of men, I lived with women for the better part of my life but that's not who I am anymore. I am seeking the Man that God would have for me but before he comes I want to be healed of the baggage. And how do you share all of this with the right guy?

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  31.   notshytc says:
    Posted: 19 Sep 06

    recovery from abuse can be so difficult and a support system of friends and family are so important....great article

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  32.   HEARTNSOUL23 says:
    Posted: 17 Sep 06

    Thanks for sharing and also for all the information this site has been providing..... My heart goes out to all who are hurting by an abuser or anything else, as I was abused by a partner 4 years ago... Its hard, but once you learn to love yourself again and take back your life......you can live a good life.

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  33.   justknwoingu says:
    Posted: 16 Sep 06

    very good article, and informative...I will pass this along!

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  34.   Ruben says:
    Posted: 16 Sep 06

    I like articles like these. Relates to everyday life.

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  35.   6wings says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 06

    it's a great article and i want to know if and how i can ask questions about this issue

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  36.   Hazeleyes777 says:
    Posted: 13 Sep 06

    Sometimes children think they have to stay out of the way of busy parents. Being too preoccupied with making a living and a social life sometimes doen not leave room for the attention children need and that is something that is noticed by a predator.

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  37.   iceburger says:
    Posted: 12 Sep 06

    So sad that some things are taken for granted

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  38.   Brad_lee says:
    Posted: 12 Sep 06

    The message itself is obvious but these columns must be written, cos the world is gettin mo and mo twisted every day. Information about these things is needed for people still living in the dark.

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  39.   msjanine says:
    Posted: 11 Sep 06

    Awsome article, awareness is worth alot

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  40.   yoby says:
    Posted: 08 Sep 06

    good article, there are so manny people who don't know yet how things in the real life are....

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  41.   fala says:
    Posted: 08 Sep 06

    Great article and on such an important topic. Thanks for enlightening us.

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  42.   ebonybeautyj says:
    Posted: 07 Sep 06

    This is a must read for us all!

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  43.   Tony says:
    Posted: 07 Sep 06

    Good information; thanks!

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  44.   vanessa says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 06

    its bad since there is so much sexual abuse and I too had a sexual encounter but it was a doctor and you know the movie "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle?" It was something like that. I tell every women to have your boy friend or husband any one to go for dotor visits. I'm in the medical profession and retired but there's always someone out there getting hurt be careful every male or female

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  45.   maria says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 06

    I love what you guys are doing with the site. i am enjoying the free education am getting here. thank you!

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  46.   urmydestiny says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 06

    Such an important article. Talking certainly helps. I want to say well done to those who were able to write about their experiences, because things can only get better from here on.

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  47.   iceburger says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 06

    Great. A must read for all. I think we should all say no to silence. We should speak out.

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  48.   unme23 says:
    Posted: 06 Sep 06

    I have this one lady i cant figure out. she loves me one day, then I dont hear from her. I really dont get it!!

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  49.   misslady1970 says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 06

    This article, brought back memories from my child hood...I had a close family member, who abused us as children,until i read this article, i thought i blocked out, just had it hidden deep down in my soul....It's like "we all hear the crys for help" ,Now what can we do to help this prevent, this from happening to another person?

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  50.   mandie says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 06

    i really liked this article, informative and true.

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