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Swirling with Christelyn Karazin

The art of attraction isn't just about colour or creed, it's about chemistry and a whole bunch of other things. Swirling author Christelyn Karazon discusses.

If you're so happy swirling, why do you write about black men?

Posted by Christelyn, 06 May

I had the honor of having one of my blogs reposted on Lipstick Alley, a gossip site that largely caters to black women. It even was a trending topic for a day. It spawned hundreds of responses and even a few spinoff threads. A common theme for the few responses I read was “if she’s so happy swirling why does she just take her nonblack man and go? Why is she still writing about this?” Well, here are a few reasons:

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  • Because I can

    Honestly, I could stop here. I write about these topics for the same reason any other person writes about the thing they want to- because I can! Songwriters write about love and romance and all that, why can’t I, right?

  • Because it’s fun

    It takes me maybe 45 minutes to write a 500-word blog post, even less than that depending on the topic. I love to write, it is a hobby of mine, so I do it in my spare time. For example, the blog post that was reposted took me maybe an hour and a half to write so it’s not like I agonized over it for days at a time. Writing is certainly more productive than other activities like watching TV or binging YouTube videos, and it hones a valuable skill. I have other hobbies, but writing, in particular, is great because I can also use it in other avenues as well.

  • Because black women need to know other options are available

    Too many black women refuse to expand their options, whether it’s because they choose to wait for the Good Black Man or because they fear what people around them might say (if he can’t use your comb don’t bring him home). I want black women to know that they can find a man who loves them in any race of man, and that wasting prime health, youth, beauty and fertility years waiting for a Good Black Man, who are in critically short supply, does not have to be your future.

  • Because there needs to be a balance

    For every black woman saying “expand your options!” there are a dozen other people saying “Nonblack men don’t want you!” or creating memes denigrating our image. Though we swirling black women are in the minority, we present a counterbalance to our fellow women who may not have considered dating out.

  • Because people still read it

People may hate, deny, criticize, complain, disagree, and dissect the things I and other like-minded women have to say. And for that, I am happy, because that means people read it. I am all for a healthy debate (even if the counterpoints are weak) because it may change my way of thinking or make me consider things I hadn’t thought of before. For all the vitriol that was spewed about the blog, at least some people took the time to read it and formulate a response.

As an aside though – I saw people referring to the blog as a “dissertation”. That blog was only 900 words. Please read more in 2019 if you honestly think what was written was anything more than a short essay at best.

  • Because I want black women to do, act, look and feel better

    The black community as it stands is not doing great. The baby daddy/baby mama culture, the obesity, the overall poor choices, you name it. Monolith though we are not, it still reflects poorly on all of us, swirler or not. I want healthy two-parent households to be the rule for fully black children, not the exception. I want black women to be happy, period. If a black woman who wants marriage and children for herself finds that happiness in a Good Black Man, that’s excellent. If not though, self-improvement through personal reflection and understanding the dynamics that face us is a great second alternate.

  • Because, even with my nonblack husband, I’m still a black woman

    “If you’re divested, take your shit and leave!” some might say. I still care about the relationship issues black women face, simply because I’m a black woman. The relationship topics I discuss may not affect me anymore, but it can affect my friends, coworkers, and younger female relatives who are facing the dating game. Being partnered out does not mean I don’t empathize with the struggles of the women who share my likeness and image.

  • Because to make anti-venom, you need venom

    The black community is not going to do better with kid gloves and satin pillowcases. It needs some grit and aggression to tackle the deep-seated problems that run rampant in the community. Coming out hard against the many failings of black men (and black women too) will provoke thought and eventually, some solutions. Passionately emphasizing the need for black women to put their own needs first, ahead of the “culture” and the race will ultimately force the men, who are supposed to be the builders and the doers in a patriarchy, like all other races of men are, to step up, and eventually be the better standard that black women should “choose better” from.

  • Because I like stirring the pot

    I’m not above using provoking titles to get attention…it got people triggered and commenting and talking. People reacted emotionally to the word “stupid” rather than logically to all the other points I presented. I stirred the pot, and I like the smell.

There are probably more reasons I’ve missed, but I don’t want to write another “dissertation”. I’d love to hear what you guys think in the comments.

Christelyn Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate, Mixing Race, Culture and Creed. She also operates the popular blog, Beyond Black & White, and operate the first forum dedicated to black women interested and/or involved in interracial relationships.

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29 responses to "If you're so happy swirling, why do you write about black men?"

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  1.   lovely816 says:
    Posted: 28 Jul 19

    I think a lot of what Christelyn says is true but the reason I stopped following her on FB is that I think alot of what she says about black men also applies to white men but she doesn't address that. I have dated and know of many many white men who are liars, cheaters and deadbeat fathers. What black women need is advice on finding good MEN as mates period. I am lucky to have been raised by a wonderful BLACK man and there are many of them in my family. Working, taking care of their women, children and families. So I reject this idea that black men as a whole are horrible mates. I date interracially because I believe I have the right to exercise all my dating options not because I dislike black men. Because for me to dislike black men would mean I also hate myself because they are a part of me, my community and family. There are problems in the black community but there are plenty of problems in the white community as well and with white men and I'd love a bit more honesty about that in the conversations about interracial dating. I could right a book about the tomfoolery and nonsense I have dealt with dating white men as well as black men.

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  2.   blackbelle01 says:
    Posted: 04 Jun 19

    Let me tell you why BW who who so called swirl write about black men. It's because BM are always saying negative things about BW. Bashing BW lelf and right and when BW do date out constantly calling them bedwenches and other deplorable names. BM have a narrative that no one wants the BW and when that narrative failed they started the we are all angry, bitter and jealous of them dating out and when that failed they started some other campaigns. I am not sure why Black males hate BW so much especially since BW are the only ones who have always been loyal to you black males but BW are not believing the lies that the Black community have been telling them about Black and non-BM any longer and they are now divesting and choosing men based on their character and not their color.

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  3.   IamBond says:
    Posted: 21 May 19

    I will never make a comment like the one in the title, because you preferences are what they are. If I sat here as a black man and said I would only date WITHIN my race, then no one would be trying to analyze or criticize why I am making those choices. You do what you want to do, with no explanations and no apologies. Now if your reasons for doing it is to drive solidarity in the black community, then you're doing what you're doing for the wrong reasons. There are women who are going to be less open to dating me because I'm black, and some of them are black. SO WHAT???? Live your life for you. Do you. The end!

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  4.   wiseoneinmil says:
    Posted: 19 May 19

    I have no problem with a black person who'll date outside their race. I have a problem with one who ONLY dates outside their race. I'm black and I date black women and maybe, I just might consider a Hispanic woman. I don't date white women, nor would I ever marry one. I have never met a black person who dated a non black, who didn't lose some of their "blackness." A black mate generally speaking, helps affirm one's black identity.

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 29 Feb 20

      Sorry wiseoneinmil but why are you here if you are not open to dating IR. Maybe you should go to another site because the women on this site are not choosing men based on their race alone. We are choosing men based on their character over their color. Also if you are Black then why do you need someone to affirm your black identity? You already know you are Black and if you are secure in who you are then you don't need affirmation from anyone because you already know who you are. smh

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  5.   71corvette says:
    Posted: 14 May 19

    As a white guy I like to read what black woman think about dating outside there race and what they think about in general because woman don’t talk to there man about these things when there with them. They talk to there girlfriends about it but the person there with might be curious as well.

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  6.   Pleezu2 says:
    Posted: 12 May 19

    Great circumspection, Christelyn, as always. ML, Calvin.

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  7.   AsYETUntitld says:
    Posted: 11 May 19

    My concern has always been the negativity in profiles. Why write about what you have experienced and what you don't want. This sheds a note so positively light on you. Write instead about what you hope, wish, long and pray for. Color is not necessarily indicative of character.

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    • Pleezu2 says:
      Posted: 12 May 19

      While we get that negativity generates negativity, I also see the counter balancing Christelyn invariably follows on with her positivity generating positivity. Just as you have done. And if you will allow me to - I have proven ONE FACT to myself (and others, btw) -- The simple, honest truth is, "color" is a just a label of convenience -- but what ACTUALLY upsets people ( applicable to all races,) is BAD and/or DIS-RESPECTFUL behavior (character) Clearly, we are on the same page, bro. Peace

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  8.   1960Bullet says:
    Posted: 11 May 19

    What race are your parents???

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  9.   JonnyReggae says:
    Posted: 09 May 19

    I agree with everything you say here, but I need to pick you up on one aspect, you title it ‘Because I want Black women to do, act look and feel better’ whilst I don’t have a problem with the title, the context is a little misconstrued. As you know, many ‘Bad’ white men leave there partners too ‘holding the baby’. As you’re broadcasting this on an international platform, I’d say out of 1 absent black father you have 10 fathers who are in a ‘whole family’ environment. So please, spare a thought for us ‘good’ black men. *roll eyes

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  10.   LinneyT says:
    Posted: 09 May 19

    My three husbands have been black and they all have been cheating is there something wrong with me ?

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    • blackbelle01 says:
      Posted: 11 May 19

      No there s nothing wrong with you. I am a BW and I do not date Bm at all because they are prone to cheat and they leave women with children to take care of on their own. Sorry but true.

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    • Tashwon says:
      Posted: 12 May 19

      You don't date black men because you don't take the time to choose the right one for you to say to the lady Linney no! there nothing wrong with you BM are prone to cheating sound so immature It sounds like your not so sure of yourself it's not the BM it's yourself stop putting BM on blast, white men outnumber black men in the US so as far as cheating on their spouse or girlfriend white men surpass black men on that level alone. Who controls don't get it twisted.

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      • blackbelle01 says:
        Posted: 24 May 19

        Yes WM do out number BM but BM out number all races in leaving any woman they are with as baby momma's< and what is the right one? I have dated Black men that were in the Ministry and they were cheaters also.

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        • Tashwon says:
          Posted: 26 May 19

          What does Ministry have to do with anything? When those priest mess with those children through out the years did those robes that they were wearing protect those children at time? Just because your under the umbrella of religion that you not going to committe a sin or be holy.

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    • Tashwon says:
      Posted: 12 May 19

      You pick the wrong one! Take you time don't jump into relationship let him earn your respect and don't let him sweet talk you. That's with all men race has nothing to do with it.

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      • Nick2956 says:
        Posted: 15 May 19

        Facts sir

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      • blackbelle01 says:
        Posted: 26 May 19

        Why are you black males always trying to tell women that we picked the wrong one when we date Bm as though we have time to date all of the black males in the world to find that one good unicorn. Sorry women but it is up to you if you want to fall for this mess.

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    • 71corvette says:
      Posted: 14 May 19

      I have 3 ex wives. Cheaters as well but they were white.

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    • swans2525 says:
      Posted: 03 Aug 19

      why always black men they cheat alot maybe you should change the color,lol your a cute pretty lady youshould have no troubles find another man.

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