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How I Accepted Rejection

Posted by Manonamission, 15 May

accepting rejectionNobody enjoys the feeling of rejection. As a struggling screenwriter, I should be used to it, right? But somehow it feels different than a form letter when a person you’ve laughed with, someone you entertained hopeful thoughts about, suddenly vanishes from your life without explanation. When I first started online dating about three years ago, this happened twice within the first month. Once it was after an admittedly slightly awkward first date and once it was after one good first date and one so so date. Both times, I just kind of never heard from her again. It really bugged me. What did I do wrong? If I only knew, maybe I wouldn’t make the same mistake again, whatever it was.

When you’re dealing with Hollywood, this stuff happens all the time. You submit your script somewhere and they just ignore your follow-up inquiries. That hurts too. But there’s something impersonal about that. With someone of the opposite sex, it’s easy to get paranoid about it. That’s where I was, that first month or so, whenever she was the one to call it quits. Was there spinach in my teeth? Did she misinterpret something I said? Should I have called sooner, or later? Crazy stuff, probably way off base, but these kind of thoughts were tough to banish from my mind and they sapped my hope and confidence.

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It wasn’t long, though, before I realized that I was rejecting people all the time. A woman would send me a flirt or we’d trade emails and I’d just not respond. And yes, sometimes it was for something very minor—like she misspelled a word I consider mandatory to know. (I am a writer, after all.) Or maybe I just didn’t get that va-va-voom feeling when I looked at her picture. It wasn’t long before I was on the other side of the rejection stick and handled it much the same way those women had with me. After a couple of uninspiring dates I would pen an apologetic brush-off email if my MissMatch didn’t just go away. The more I thought about how I expected my own castoffs to feel, how I hoped they would feel, the more I began to understand how I should feel when it happened to me.

We all want something that just catches fire for us. It’s not realistic to think that everyone I meet is going to see rainbows and unicorns when they think about me (or want to jump my bones). Just as I’m entitled to wait for the one I want, so are you, and the women who…sniff, rejected me because they didn’t see how freakin’ wonderful I am.

Remember that “Seinfeld” episode where Jerry broke up with the woman because she smelled like soup? Soup woman is someone’s soulmate, but not Jerry’s. I’ve come to terms with the fact that the reason, big or small, doesn’t really matter. When a woman pulls the plug on our getting to know each other before I do, I don’t frantically run down a list of imagined (or real) missteps. Now I just shrug and turn my attention to whoever else I’m in the process of getting to know, or “clear my palate” by starting a new search on the spot. No harm, no foul.

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14 responses to "How I Accepted Rejection"

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  1.   andrewpearson42 says:
    Posted: 31 Dec 11

    rejection um let me see all i have to say about that is next lol u have a friend ... ok bad joke im just saying keep it moving so u dont connect ........next

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  2.   CALY2011 says:
    Posted: 25 Dec 11

    I agree with all of you, rejection stricks our feelings and touches our pride but we should not let it outweigh what we are here for.One person's rejection could be another person's acceptance. But why is it that we make 101 lists of wishes we want in a man/woman and stick to it knowing fully well that in reality its almost impossible to have them all in one man/woman. Because of the too many restrictions and unrealistic list of wants, many have been on this site for years. This is not good for both the men and the ladies – nobody is getting any younger. As each day passes by, we grow older, the chances of getting the best man/woman we ‘ve ever hoped for begins to drop. I think we should be real. I’m not sure of how many already-made/perfect/dream man/woman exists out there.There are basic things we all look for but I think those unrealistic and too many restrictions that could be worked on or improve on during a relationship should be waved ’cause is unrealistic and not doing us any good.

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  3.   hotrod2009 says:
    Posted: 05 Sep 11

    I agree with the writer. At times it is hard to except rejection. I also agree with Happy_Girl. I always reply to a flirt or message to let the person know whether I am interested of not. I think that it is rude not to reply at all. After all the site provides you with replies for flirts and as for e-mails, if you are not interested just be polite and say so. By not replying at all just shows that you have no manners.

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  4.   TONY58 says:
    Posted: 31 Jul 11

    I AGREE WITH THE WRITER NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  5.   Thankfulll says:
    Posted: 13 Jul 11

    Rejection is a part of life. Lets face it. If everyone on the site accepted you, it would be a site dedicated to just one person. Everyone that you contact is not going to be interested in you. Therefire, we need to suck it up & just move on. Mr Right/Miss Right is out there. It is just a process to find them. Good luck everyone!

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  6.   bigeyes31 says:
    Posted: 12 Jul 11

    Yes, rejection hurts. When someone sends a flirt , whether I'm interested or not I do send a response and it usually never goes any further than that. So, yes I think it's ok to just acknowledge them and move on. I very rarely send flirts but when I have, I have been rejected too but it's all apart of the process. Knowing this, doesn't lessen the pain but it helps.

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  7.   lips03 says:
    Posted: 07 Jul 11

    I agree with Happy_Girl when I am not interested in a man I try to at least be polite and say no thanks and wish him best of luck in his search. Suddenly I become public enemy number one in their eyes and here come the insults. To me this is pretty funny because they dont seem to get that what they just did was prove me 100% correct in not wanting to deal with them. Its also sad in a way though because people are always claming they want an honest answer but when you give them one they tend to be rude or curse you out. Now if I am not interested some days I say no thanks and some days I just ignore the emails if I dont want to deal with the potential drama that awaits.

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  8.   morninglove says:
    Posted: 22 Jun 11

    I like the post especially the last paragraph at the sametime it is ok to self critique but not to be down on yourself. You will never ever know why you was rejected...just look at it as an opportunity to grow.

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  9.   Darlinu says:
    Posted: 18 Jun 11

    I must be a dunce or something...I never take or read as rejection a non answered email or flirt. How can someone who don't know you, reject you? Maybe because I am so new at this, I did not realize by talking to someone, you are now entering a possible, " commitment to talk zone"....that is so silly. I always respond to everyone slightly interested, because I love to talk to people. I sometimes send messages to those I know I am not interested in, just because something on their profile made me laugh. I guess, I believe in encouraging folks, whether I am interested romantically or not...as for the fellas I may want to know more, when they ignore me or brush me off, that's all good too. I think, they are probably talking to someone else, or just don't feel me. So what, why would I want to keep pursuing someone who does not feel me....that's right, I don't. Please don't say, I am not really interested in finding someone, I am....but until a concrete investment has been made, I just go with the flow. There are so many interesting men on this site alone, I have no trouble waiting for the one who truly feels me. For now, the eye candy is all good! Peace!

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    • Swthnicane says:
      Posted: 29 Sep 11

      I agree with you. I'm such a people person too. If I get that 80 year old macking me, I holla and thank him for his interest and wish him good luck on his continued search. LOL.. I try and answer folks as swiftly as possible. I definitely love the way the flirts are set up but there should be a couple more options. But I've come across some very rude men on here. No manners at all. So it becomes a little disheartening at times.

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  10.   needlove77 says:
    Posted: 06 Jun 11

    I agree with the writer, rejection is hard but never let it effect your confidence, many profiles scream low confidence or the expecting rejection profile.

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    • Justin1974 says:
      Posted: 07 Jul 11

      Darlinu, I don't know how you can't take an unanswered flirt/email as rejection because that is exactly what it is. It has nothing to do with entering a commitment to talk zone and everything to do with an initial advance being rebuffed. if you walk up to a guy in a bar and try to open a conversation and he turns away and walks off would you see that as anything but a rejection? I hope not. And that leads me on to my second point, not being interested is one thing but not even replying, well that's just downright ignorant. Every flirt has a function to reply back with a polite "thx but no thx" message and it takes less than 2 seconds to send it. You're acknowledging the person's advance - their existence - and that's just plain manners. Personally, I think such ignorant actions speak volumes about that person's true nature, and it's not good. More importantly, it's something you'd find out over time, once the"best behaviour for the first bunch of dates date" facade begins to fade.

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  11.   MsShaybabe says:
    Posted: 27 May 11

    I totally agree with the writer here and you to Happy_Girl...that is why I posted this statement in my profile. Because I am for the first time trying online dating to meet someone special that I could have a decent friendship with first then see where it takes us. But this is something I stated and I do agree it should be mandatory for everyone to read this article that is trying to find someone one online. Please read with caution....you've been warned...LOL! I have read alot of these profiles and some are very interesting... I respect what everyone has to say about what they are looking for and who they are... So if I clicked your profile... And read it then you were interesting to read. I see alot of people on here are looking for something superficial and that is not me... So if my profile didn't spark your interest then I do understand... That does not mean you were not interesting... You just was not interested in me... And I respect that... Everyone has there own flavor. So in saying all that... Good luck with your search whether it is for LTR or for friendship... Whatever you are looking for I hope you find it... However it comes to you... Smile!

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  12.   Happy_Girl says:
    Posted: 24 May 11

    Should be mandatory reading for all Internet daters. I am often shocked what people say after I state I wish them luck finding the one but I am not her. The amount of anger shot back me is shocking and just reassures me that I made the right decision.

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