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Four ways to gauge your true compatibility

Posted by Ro571, 27 Oct

So you’ve been out on at least one great date and your chemistry gets a thumbs-up – it’s easy to talk to each other, there’s a strong attraction here, and the gentleman hasn’t closed the car door on the lady’s leg. No spectacular faux pas have been made and it’s full speed ahead. But how can you figure out whether or not this couple is meant to go the distance?

Now that you have one good date to go on, it’s time to begin testing your key areas of compatibility:

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Sense of Humor

It’s probably okay if you like sophisticated British comedy and your partner likes the Farrelly brothers, but if you can’t genuinely laugh at each other’s jokes, that’s an obstacle to your future happiness. Nothing shuts down the fun in a relationship more than knowing your witty aside will be lost on someone, or giving your partner a cold stare when they do a goofy little dance. Some people have a dry, sarcastic wit, others are silly and playful. If you feel like you’re opposites here, you have to truly appreciate other things about each other or it won’t be long before you get on each other’s nerves. By joking around and discussing what makes you laugh, try to figure out if you’re both the kind of people who can appreciate each other’s sense of humor even if it’s not like your own.

Of course, if you make each other laugh easily and both can bust a gut watching “Family Guy,” that goes a long way. Mark this box “Compatible.”

Lifestyle

This can range from whether you’re a morning person or a night owl to whether you run five miles a day or only when someone’s chasing you. But common ground in how you live your lives heavily influences what activities you can share with your partner. If your idea of a great time is a few beers and a game of pool in a bar with a live band and your date wouldn’t set foot in there unless it was for a poetry reading, it’s going to be tough to find fun things to do together. There isn’t one thing that you have to have in common or else, but you do need to have some overlap in the spectrum of choices. Both being active people is a big plus, because it opens up the possibility to play sports together, go biking or skiing, etc. Then again, if both of you would rather play cards, watch a movie, or browse an art museum instead of break a sweat, there’s good compatibility here. You don’t need to have all the same interests, but discuss what you like to do and when you like to do it—earlier rather than later. If it looks like you’ll always have something fun to share, that’s a great sign. But if one of you is going to be asleep while the other is at their best, that’s something you should know will sometimes be a pain to work around.

Priorities

Find out what’s most important to your potential partner. Career? Family? Fun? Ideally, your priorities should be in sync because there are so many important choices connected to them. If one of you is a workaholic and the other is retired or only marking time at the office, frustrations are almost inevitable. Obviously, if you’re gauging a relationship’s long-term potential you both need to want kids, not want them or be open-minded about it. But there are other nuances to consider. If spending time with your parents or young nieces is a priority for you and your partner only enjoys the company of people between the ages of 21 and 40, you may not be on the same page about family. It’s vital to find these things out before you get too wrapped up in a relationship.

The importance of money (and the luxuries it affords) to each of you—whether or not you call it “security,” “financial freedom” or something else, is another thing to get straight. If you’re both happy with the little things in life, great. If you’re both committed to fancy dinners and expensive trips, at least you can work together to make them happen. Find out now if one of you will never set foot in a Motel 6 because it’s too déclassé while the other is happy at a hostel.

Outlook

This last one is subtler yet fundamental. How do you view the world? As an inherently beautiful but equally flawed place? As the masterpiece of a perfect Creator? As a cold and dangerous obstacle course you can only survive for so long? While it’s possible to pair a “glass half full” person and a “glass half empty” person, you have to be able to understand and appreciate your partner’s point of view. If you’re relentlessly chipper and a sarcastic, cynical person is going to bring you down, this is a huge deal. Conversely, if you’re going to be annoyed by a Pollyanna type who refuses to acknowledge that anything is depressing, friction is inevitable. As the two of you discuss your beliefs, experiences, hopes and dreams, be honest about your coping strategies for life’s challenges. Do you make a joke out of everything? Do you avoid conflict, or thrive in it? Essentially, what you’re trying to find out is this—when things go south, are you going to work together or find yourself at odds?

As you get to know your date, learning how you compare in each of these four areas, don’t expect a perfect match across the board. If you feel as though you’re generally in agreement or complementary, that’s excellent. But if you’re diametrically opposed in any of these categories, consider it a challenge that will require both your efforts to overcome. Too many of these challenges and a relationship becomes like a juggling routine on a tightrope—possible to achieve, but probably safer to avoid.

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12 responses to "Four ways to gauge your true compatibility"

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  1.   naturaltrini says:
    Posted: 27 Jun 11

    i think the 4 areas outlined are true. the order may vary for some ppl but basically they are the same. the first thing you do when someone approaches is to look (visual) at them and then decided if you would want to talk to them (and this goes for men and woman), or if you want them to talk to you (communication), because as a member pointed out, you might be looking fine, and then you open your mouth..........everything else goes out the window. There are rules for relationships to work. God said them in his book, but we want to do things our own way and when they dont work, we blame everybody else EXCEPT oursleves. (then we say, i will get it right the next time....and we repeat the same pattern and make our own selves miserable in the process). Life is to be enjoyed and if we can find someone who makes us laugh, who accepts our life style (from a neat freak to a hot mess), who helps us to laugh at ourselves and not take life too serious (otherwise we will get a stroke and die), who brings out the best in us (even though we didn't know we had it in us), accepts us for who we are, have similar priorities like us (note i did not say the SAME), enjoys the simpler things in life ( an evening on the beach watching the sunset) but also knows how to enjoy the finer things in life, and someone who thinks that we are a masterpiece of the creator and we think the same of them.....then we have found what GOD has in store for us. If not, then we have to ask the creator to help us to choose wisely so that we can develop these charcteristics in each other....then life will be beautiful and we will live a long, happy and fruitful life. Be blest!

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  2.   paperbagbrwn says:
    Posted: 28 Apr 11

    Upsetting to know most men have double standards when it come to a single woman with children. Men can have a brady bunch, but are not interested in a woman with children. What's up with that? Hmmmmm.

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  3.   terry5159 says:
    Posted: 30 Nov 10

    it should be based on respect, honesty,love and mutual understanding.their is no rules or guidelines relationship happen and work naturally

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    • kissime says:
      Posted: 04 Dec 10

      terry5159, I agree. Respect and understanding leads to admiration. Love follows-and for me, the bond between us gets stronger. With admiration you can't help but to be honest. For me, sexual connection is an ineluctable fate with admiration.

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  4.   gjones66216 says:
    Posted: 28 Nov 10

    I dated a fabulous woman. We were compatible in many ways, but it still wasn't going to work for us because we were incompatible in some and these proved to be hurdles higher than I was willing to jump over. She's a great woman and I wish nothing but the best for her, but I just wasn't the right man for her. Where I'm going... compatibility isn't everything in a relationship, nor is physical chemistry or communication. These are pieces that make up a whole. The author gave us a list of areas to seek compatibility in. The degree and your acceptance ultimately get you (or keep you) in a relationship.

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    • trackgirl15 says:
      Posted: 11 Jul 12

      I disagree with you a bit on the communication bit. I guess I would need a lil more as to where you are coming from but communication is VERY important in a relationship. I believe without it a lot of the relationship goes down the drain.

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  5.   dagirl92262 says:
    Posted: 15 Nov 10

    Communication is number one!!! Compatability is number two!!!! Visual Attraction is number three!! A Sexual Connection is fourth!!! Communication to me is the foundation of a relationship, if you can't communicate then the relationship will fizzle in the long run. Besides how do you get to know a person, you have to communicate to understand and to get to know. Compatability is also a key to a great relationship. If the two of you have nothing in common but are attracted to each other. I just don't see how it would work. The bedroom is not the only thing that keeps relationships going And finally a sexual connection must be there, yes you both can work on it to be better but if one partner wants more from their partner and they don't get it most likely they will get bored in the bedroom and look elsewhere, which is something that in the long run will ruin the relationship completely. I don't believe in having sex on the first date either or second for that matter. I think that the longer the two of you can wait the better the sex will be. I think in this day and age that sex is put on the front burner like it is the most important but it isn't. Sex is something you share with your partner when the feelings are there and the two of you can create a perfect balance if you communicate with one another. I think way to many couple use this to start the relationship which in turn will most likely fizzle in the end. Both parties need to use their brain in a relationship. Men if you are really interested in a woman don't push on sex. Take time to know who she is and what makes her tick. Women don't just let them take advantage of you, make them see who you are. You can say No!

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    • matkins4268 says:
      Posted: 20 Nov 10

      i must disagree 1. visual attraction..........2.communication..............3.compatability..........4.sexual habits you see you speak of the sight you match the differents and then only then you explore the habits of a union between a man and woman

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      • nursienurse says:
        Posted: 28 Jan 11

        It is nice to have visual attraction, but if there is no compatibility, the visual attraction goes out the window. I have met some fine, good looking men in my life and when a few of them opened their mouth to talk it was like "please shut up and let me enjoy the view", lol. Heaven forbid you have a gorgeous fellow who can't perform in bed (disaster, please loss my number). I think it is: Compataibility, communication, sexual habits, then visual attraction. I have met some men who were not as attractive as I would have liked but when I talked with them there was more than what meets the eye.

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  6.   serenity33 says:
    Posted: 27 Oct 10

    This article is a good start but it forgot for many people the most important compatibility factor which is religious views. Of course it depends how seriously you take your religion and if you are an intrinsic or extrinsic Christian if you both are Christian. If you both don't care about religion much, then it is not a factor especially if both of you are agnostics, atheists or just don't apply your religion and are extrinsic according to the way you view religion like Gordon Allport found out in his study on this. But if you are like me and take your religion seriously and it is the basis of your entire life like it should be for any devoutly religious person from Muslim, Jew, to Christian etc., then you need to find someone compatible with your religious views. Otherwise you are doomed to fight constantly and end up in divorce. That was how I lost all my six ex's over the fact that I took religion seriously and they didn't. We were compatible in every other way but that one. That is why in Christianity they have a verse in the Bible about "be ye not unequally yoked" meaning if you are a serious Christian, don't pair yourself up with a non-Christian or a non-serious Christian. And don't be dumb enough to think you can change the other person to your way of thinking eventually because it never works. I know from marriage counseling others and from personal experience. So keep the factors that the articles says but add religious compatibility as a fifth factor if you are serious about your religion or you are doomed to failure. Like the Bible says "A word to the wise is sufficient but a fool never learns.";-)

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    • serenity33 says:
      Posted: 15 Nov 10

      This article is a good start but it forgot for many people the most important compatibility factor which is religious views. Of course it depends how seriously you take your religion and if you are an intrinsic or extrinsic Christian if you both are Christian. If you both don’t care about religion much, then it is not a factor especially if both of you are agnostics, atheists or just don’t apply your religion and are extrinsic according to the way you view religion like Gordon Allport found out in his study on this. But if you are like me and take your religion seriously and it is the basis of your entire life like it should be for any devoutly religious person from Muslim, Jew, to Christian etc., then you need to find someone compatible with your religious views. Otherwise you are doomed to fight constantly and end up in divorce. That was how I lost all my six ex’s over the fact that I took religion seriously and they didn’t. We were compatible in every other way but that one. That is why in Christianity they have a verse in the Bible about “be ye not unequally yoked” meaning if you are a serious Christian, don’t pair yourself up with a non-Christian or a non-serious Christian. And don’t be dumb enough to think you can change the other person to your way of thinking eventually because it never works. I know from marriage counseling others and from personal experience. So keep the factors that the articles says but add religious compatibility as a fifth factor if you are serious about your religion or you are doomed to failure. Like the Bible says “A word to the wise is sufficient but a fool never learns.”;-)

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