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Can you measure True Love in Miles?

Posted by Leticia, 25 Nov

The great part about meeting and dating on-line is the opportunity to talk with people all over the world. The bad part about meeting and dating on-line is falling for someone on the other side of the world. We're hearing the phrase "open marriages" more often. Is this how you deal with a long distance relationships too?

When you can't be with the one you love...is it okay to "love the one you're with"?

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If you ask around, you'd probably be hard pressed to find someone that has not been involved in a long distance relationship. Whether it was in college or the military, business related or an on-line meeting, we've all been away from a loved-one at some point in time. How we handled that time away may have been the determining factor in the success of that relationship.

Do you think that it's easier to have a long distance relationship if it starts off that way? I mean, if you meet someone on line (this site of course), and you already know going into it that you are separated by a lot of miles and maybe even a different time zone, does that make the distance any less?

From personal experience (about 50% of my relationships have been long distance). I've found that the ones that started that way were built on a solid foundation. The distance allowed us to spend the time talking and listening (not so much touching and feeling). I equate it to the difference between reading the book or watching the movie.

The issue of trust is still the same no matter where two people are located. The truth is people are going to be who they are. If they are going to cheat, it doesn't matter if you're in the same room or the same country...they will find a way to make that happen. For some there is an understanding between them that allows the other to have physical relationships with others.

I've had a partner once tell me "it's okay to give up the booty...just don't give away your heart". Easy for him to say...knowing that I've always been one to enter a room and a relationship the same way, head and heart first, booty last!

However, I've always admired people that have been able to separate the two...Love and sex. It's not just men that enjoy a quick (or not so quick), romp around a room (bed optional), with another consenting adult that they may or may not have to buy or cook a meal for or ever see again.

I'm not sure why I admired them or if its admiration at all. Kind of like when a woman cuts off a man's penis or a guy goes postal on his boss. Even though you could never do it yourself, you can certainly understand the emotion and reason why others do.

Again, it comes down to personal preference. It's important in any and all relationships that both parties are totally upfront and honest about what their expectations and desires are. You may be surprised how many women are actually okay with the idea of an open relationship. My problem has never been that a guy chose to sleep with another woman outside of our "monogamous" relationship. It was that he didn't allow me to have the same choice.

The saying is "all is fair in love and war". In order to be fair, both sides must have equal access to the same information. They must be given the opportunity to make choices that are true to their intent and heart. Imagine, if we were all able to be who we really are with others that do the same...think it would have any impact on the longevity of our relationships?

This is Leticia...if you can't be with the one you love; love yourself!

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Responses to "Can you measure True Love in Miles?"

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  1.   phattkitty says:
    Posted: 12 Nov 07

    I am currently "getting to know" someone from another state; it's been a little over 2mths now. In the beginning we talked on the phone atleast once a week, then that came to a halt. He claimed he is not a phone person. I said ok. So we decided to go back to IMing each other. That seem to work better. He actually opened up better and has become more sexually that way. Although i feel at times he only wants to talk about sex. If i would change the subject, he would change it back to sex. But he tells me,"oh we can talk about anything you want to talk about." When i would ask about meeting he would come up with excuses about distance, money and time off work. Recently i brought up the topic about us meeting again. Because i feel that he has no intention of meeting, he just makes empty promises and it's really starting to get to me. Every friendship/relationship in its first stage need to be take to another level. Maybe 2mths is too early? Is it? So since we both love football: Him college; me NFL, i decided to invite him to DC to watch the Rdsk vs. Dallas game at the end of the year. He said ok. I am so trying to be positive about this whole thing. I do like him alot. But he sends me lots of poems about love and wanting and making love, but rarely anything from the heart. Sometimes i ask him to put a break on the poems, and just talk to me. I try to email him each morning with a hello and wish him a good day at school (we both teach) so i try to show some support, because i know how hard it is to do what we both do on a daily. In all fairness he did invite me to see one of his college games, but i told him me being the female, he should visit me first. I just think it is safer and the right thing to do. So am asking Fala, Cocokisses and Whyt boy for your suggestion on this; you guys give sound advise, not to dismiss the others, but Fala always responds to my commemts. Thank you Fala for the support. I so needed that. I talk to my mom a little about him, all she said was she is (dont laugh) afraid of wht men. He said, he hasn't told anyone because he doesn't want to jinx things. I say BS! that was 2mths ago! He needs to step up to the plate. ie. although this article is old, i just happend upon it. I need some serious advise. I am a person who tends to give up easily, but i don't want to give up just yet on this one.

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  2.   xxhale says:
    Posted: 16 Sep 07

    I'm in a long distance relationship: in the beginning we spent months online and on the phone taking our time getting to know and to trust eachother, before finally meeting for real. A distance of over 1200 km seperates us, we try to meet every month for a few days, a week....as long as we can (we're both divorced single parents). The happiest and best moments: our meetings at the airports, and the time we spend together hoping the hours and days will slowly go by. The worse parts are.....our partings, we've even banned the word "goodbye" from our vocab, as for us, it sounded like something definate.... like forever, worse of all though, is when we're apart, want to relax, hug, kiss, smile, laugh with eachother, share our thoughts and feelings, feel the warmth of eachothers bodies, talk about God and the world together, do all the things that other couples do together (YES, writing this makes me miss him even more him right now), and there's this darn distance between us. Thank God for the telephone and internet, even though they're poor substitutes for being together, we keep them "burning hot" for hours every night. In the 2 years since our first chat here, we've had our share of ups and downs, tragedies and breakups, until finaly we realised, and understood, that what we have, is real true love for eachother and we want to stay together. In a few weeks, a new chapter in our relationship begins.....I'll be moving in with him, and we're both happy and excited about it.

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  3.   Tiger says:
    Posted: 07 Aug 07

    I've tried long distance relationships and they are hard. There's so much that you have to sort out, like whether or not you're being scammed or played with. That's my personal experience. However, my ex-boyfriend's father found his wife online and they're still married.

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  4.   felicia says:
    Posted: 01 Jul 07

    i found love in india my problem is how will we see each if, he can't get here.He want me to come there i would love to but, should i ask him to help with the cost?that is the question.

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  5.   justknowingu says:
    Posted: 25 May 07

    long distance is obviously difficult...and more and more it seems...all the good ones live a state or two or more away from my home state...so I will have to move one day-timing is everything....!

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  6.   meluran says:
    Posted: 11 Apr 07

    I think if you really want someone for life, someone you may love and who maybe the one, better get open as you really don't know where YOUR ONE maybe living.

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  7.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 28 Mar 07

    I think its possible with lots of communication and trust. Without those ingrediants plus a real connection...its doomed. Just my two cents

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  8.   sweetnes20 says:
    Posted: 05 Mar 07

    good luck to all the people who are in a long distance relationship. i know i couldnt do it.

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  9.   Pleasjure13 says:
    Posted: 11 Feb 07

    Long distance relationships can be beneficial in the area of trust if two people are willing to be totally honest with each other.

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  10.   domlatrel says:
    Posted: 05 Feb 07

    Long distance relationships are extremely hard work and it take a lot communication and strong will to make it work. I wish you all luck

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  11.   butafli79 says:
    Posted: 23 Jan 07

    We don't hear many success stories of people who live far away. And its sad but very true, I wish we did. Distance has never really been an issue with me as I have been in the military before. You make it through. But alot of men I have ran across it matters to them. Editors note and General comment: In fact MOST of our success stories have involved people starting in a long distance relationship. When you join a dating site are you looking for love or a zipcode?

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  12.   Coco says:
    Posted: 14 Jan 07

    I don't think we hear many success stories from folks here that are many miles apart. If a couple can make it work, then that is great, but I think they have to put a lot more effort into it that other couples. Allthe best to the ones that are trying to make it work!

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  13.   ebonybeautyj says:
    Posted: 10 Jan 07

    I agree that yes it could be

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  14.   gms77 says:
    Posted: 04 Jan 07

    Distance does make a heart fonder!

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  15.   mzcherokee says:
    Posted: 04 Jan 07

    I would agree with the article that if both parties going into the long term relationship are open and honest then the relationship can work.

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  16.   MZCHEROKEE says:
    Posted: 04 Jan 07

    Though I have not yet found myself in a long distance relationship I am not against them and do think they can work. If all parties involved are honest and straight forwar all things are possible.

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  17.   unme23 says:
    Posted: 04 Jan 07

    long distance relationships are hard.

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  18.   marquez097 says:
    Posted: 02 Jan 07

    Distance can make being together hard, at times.

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  19.   vonny says:
    Posted: 02 Jan 07

    true love lasts and lasts through thick and thin near and far good and bad

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  20.   Loneelyman56 says:
    Posted: 28 Dec 06

    True love distance has no boundries but it does take some work to make it work.

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  21.   Pleasjure13 says:
    Posted: 27 Dec 06

    True love has no boundries.

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  22.   justknowingu says:
    Posted: 22 Dec 06

    ....I agree with Lizzy2005--Love can conquer all--even distances--but its still better not to be too too far away!!

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  23.   xina03 says:
    Posted: 21 Dec 06

    I really don't know if a long distance online relationship might work but i think it 's worth a shot....

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  24.   Jabali says:
    Posted: 21 Dec 06

    Long distance relationships are a real challenge. They can work if and only if the parties are dedicated to each other. If you are experimenting with love don't try it long distance. Just my experience.

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  25.   xhotlover says:
    Posted: 20 Dec 06

    distance makes a difference.

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  26.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 20 Dec 06

    I am considering a long distance relationship now. The question still remains...can it work? I hope so

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  27.   Candy40dd says:
    Posted: 20 Dec 06

    I don't think you can measure love, if that's he case alot of people wouldn't be online looking for LOVE...

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  28.   lizzy2005 says:
    Posted: 19 Dec 06

    Until recently I used to think love could conquer all. Now I am not so sure.

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  29.   CC says:
    Posted: 19 Dec 06

    The distance is just a test of loyalty and sincerity. Eventually, two hearts come together physically and so begins the test of time. If love is true, it will most definitely last forever no matter how it began.

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  30.   Janine says:
    Posted: 18 Dec 06

    I know for me, I met my ex-husband online and it was 6 beautiful years of marriage. However, it got to be hard because I was not ready to move to another state because of my elderly parents and he couldnt move here because of his elderly parents. The traveling every weekend became very expensive for the both of us so we decided to split up. We parted as friends and decided that if our paths cross later we will see what happend

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  31.   romeoluvs says:
    Posted: 18 Dec 06

    Long distance is cool.. its hard to maintain such a relationship but it does work.

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  32.   turbogirl says:
    Posted: 17 Dec 06

    Ride on Aantonio boy, "True Love Conquers All"

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  33.   aantonio says:
    Posted: 16 Dec 06

    I give a lot of respect and a lot of credit to people that try to make a Long distance relationship work. I believe it can as long both parties realize that for it to work, onoe would need to relocate to be with the other. like my profile states, if i met someone lond distance, n she was "the one" well i would move. But during that time i would like for us to see each other at least once a month. To long of a absence, can wear the relationship down. remember, "true love conquers all"

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  34.   Joe says:
    Posted: 16 Dec 06

    long distance is tough but can work.

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  35.   romeoluvs says:
    Posted: 16 Dec 06

    Love isnt measurable.. but ofcourse you can feel true love.

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  36.   Whyt_b0y says:
    Posted: 16 Dec 06

    i look at a sucess story like bombtounge and maurice who both literally were from opposite sides of the globe but made it happen because they were not going to let distance tell them no. but honestly not all of us have that high drive to overcome such an obsticle as long distance . i give much respect to those who can.

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  37.   SoulFlower says:
    Posted: 13 Dec 06

    I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. We started off as friends. We had our ups and downs as any other friendship but the best thing about it we talked all the time. Talking and getting to know someone before a serious relationship happen is the best. Because you both know if you want this relationship to work. Yes the distance maybe be hard but if you too work just as hard as keeping the relationship then it will work.

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  38.   mossimo36 says:
    Posted: 12 Dec 06

    Long distance relationships...difficult at best. I am still willing to try if a connection is made.

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  39.   texasbest says:
    Posted: 12 Dec 06

    Long distance relationship only work if two people put in the effort to make it last.

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  40.   lizzy2005 says:
    Posted: 12 Dec 06

    Love can conqer all even distance.

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  41.   yoby says:
    Posted: 11 Dec 06

    well whatever, if ppl are good, everything is good, otherwise.... no chance!

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  42.   kenyanito says:
    Posted: 11 Dec 06

    Distance doesn't realy matter its your heart because wherever you are, you can decide to be sincere or just dogg.

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  43.   turbogirl says:
    Posted: 11 Dec 06

    If someone is really caring and there is trust, no amout of distance will matter. Then, not to talk of romantic partners, they'll be hours and hours on the phone or net to each other.

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  44.   Majesticone says:
    Posted: 10 Dec 06

    in a perfect world, you fall in love with the person no matter how near or far and neither will stray... but then we go back to reality. we are not perfect people, we do not work or live in a perfect world, and its going to take an extrodinarly strong person to maintain the distance. i have that opportunity to embark on a long distance relationship but without being able to spend time with that person and able to see them more than on cam, i have to just remain friends and hope i am not making a mistake by not pursuing this person.

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  45.   Cocokisses says:
    Posted: 10 Dec 06

    We need some new articles. The comments are great on this one though :)

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  46.   Lovelydimples says:
    Posted: 10 Dec 06

    Hey Lizzy - ask father xmas to order you one. You never know!!!

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  47.   lizzy2005 says:
    Posted: 10 Dec 06

    Give me an honest cute guy within travelling ditance lol! Are they a dying breed or what?

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  48.   charlee1 says:
    Posted: 10 Dec 06

    long distance relationships can work but only if both parties are willing to give their all in ensuring that the relationship stays strong. but having said that, nothing beats having someone to cuddle up to at the end of the day!

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  49.   marquez097 says:
    Posted: 09 Dec 06

    distance can be worth it. its just extra hard.

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  50.   yoby says:
    Posted: 09 Dec 06

    maybe distance is good for bigger feelings too!!!

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