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10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse

Posted by Tim Levin, 08 Nov

In today's article, we look at the top 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse and how their response can determine whether the relationship is totally over and whether there is hope for rebuilding trust in the future. Before you rush into breaking up with your cheating partner, its important to figure out where both of you stand in the matter. Read ahead as we tackle this super sensitive topic...

Signs of a cheating partner

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Being a victim of infidelity can be one of the very challenging experiences that one can face in a relationship. The fact is that it can come as a shock when you find out that your spouse has been cheating because you probably never suspected them or expected that they could betray you like that. Others can spot signs of a cheating partner or even spot signs that they are about to before it happens.

Much as people are different, there are few signs of cheating that are quite general and things cheaters say to hide an affair. Plus if you have a hunch, then there is probably something brewing.

Much as it might not necessarily be the case sudden behavioral changes can be an indicator that the partner is either having an affair, or they are probably headed down that road. Here are some possible signs that you can go by:

Changes in sex life

This can go from complete non-existence of sex in your relationship to the introduction of new things in your sex life that were never there in the first place. For instance when wifes cheat one might start noticing less sex accompanied by a considerable reduction in your relationship. Plus if you have never strayed and suddenly you have an STI, then he or she definitely cheated.

Your spouse becomes indifferent

This is when your spouse seems bored with everything in your life or seems not to be moved by anything. They seem not to be jealous no matter what you say or how late you come home. It's like nothing you do seems to move them, even things that would have caused fights are ignored.

Changes in technology use

Suddenly, your spouse clears their browser history on your home computer and delete call logs and messages on their phones or you realize that he suddenly doesn't use shared devices at home. When husbands cheat, they tend to use their private gadgets more frequently and privately. Suddenly, phones that never have passwords have them. And one of the things cheaters say to hide an affair when asked why the sudden secrecy can be - "I don't want the kids to see anything inappropriate". If suddenly he is taking the phone when he goes to the shower, that isn't good.

Suddenly they are frequently unreachable

All of sudden you might begin to notice that your partner rarely answers calls or responds to texts. One of the things cheaters say to hide an affair in this situation is saying they were driving or didn't hear the phone ring. If they claim they were working late or are on a business trip and are unreachable while there, that isn't a good sign.

Fading of emotional intimacy

This more often happens when wifes cheat. When there is no emotional vulnerability and intimacy with you, this might be something to look into.

The thing is, there are many more warning signs to watch out for when husbands cheat. But this doesn't mean that these signs are law. In one relationship, what might be of concern in another could be nothing to be alarmed about in another. In most cases, there are so many subtle signs that go unnoticed. For instance, a spouse suddenly being too emotionally intimate. It's only when things stop adding up that the cheating gets exposed.

So you have caught your spouse cheating. The big question is: Should you pardon a cheating spouse. Here are 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse that can help you make that decision and assist you with unfaithful spouse recovery...

Questions to ask a cheating spouse

1. How did you get to that point?

Was there a reason that made cheating worth the risk? Was it that there was something that was missing in your relationship. And if there was, why didn't they try to fix that as opposed to allowing themselves to give in to the temptation? Did they feel that the relationship had run its course? This question will help determine your next course of action.

2. Did you feel guilty?

This will help you determine if the affair was intentional or it is one of those platonic relationships that started innocently then in a moment of weakness, it happened. The thing is just saying sorry isn't enough. They need to express sincere guilt. If the answer to this question is "Yes" followed by a "But" that blames you for driving them into cheating, then there is no remorse there. But if they own to their mistakes and you can really see how the feelings of guilt are eating them up and have sincerely apologized for their actions, there might be some hope there...

3. How long did the affair last?

This is one of the important 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse. This helps one know if your relationship stands a chance. If it had been going on for long, then it means it was a conscious decision on their part and not a mistake. A one-time thing is something that can be healed by joining an infidelity support group or some bit of counseling.

4. Why did the affair last for so long if you felt guilt?

It can help you determine why the cheating happened more than once. Because, why would a person continue doing something that they are remorseful about? Were they developing feelings for one another? Was there some blackmail involved?

5. Did you and do you still have feelings for them?

Chances of getting an honest answer here are pretty slim. But you could judge by the body language and how the question is answered. If he or she is honest enough to admit to having feelings, then maybe its time to move on.

6. Were there talks of a future together?

This goes hand in hand with the previous question. If there was any discussion about having a future, then clearly, your spouse feels that your relationship has run its course. If no plans were made, then maybe the marriage can be salvaged after all.

7. Did you consider how this was going to affect our relationship?

This is another question that needs to be answered properly if unfaithful spouse recovery is to happen. It is painful because one will always think their spouse cared more about that affair and less about the consequences. If you are to move on, this needs to be answered honestly.

8. What does she have that I don't?

Was she more confident, more carefree, more respectful? Well, the thing is, there are some things you might not be able to change about yourself. If there was a behavioral change on your part that made the affair partner more appealing, that can be remedied. That said, I think one should see their spouse as enough. If I am no fun, find ways to bring out that side in me.

9. What did you them about us?

A jerk will talk ill about their spouse to the other man or woman. If that is the case, then this person doesn't deserve you.

10. Do you want to be with them?

The answer is either a Yes or No. No need for explanations.

There you have it - the 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse. If you are dealing with a cheating spouse, whether you are trying to work it out or you are moving on consider joining an infidelity support group.

For more advice on infidelity in relationships, visit Love is All Colors.